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Parenting Perils Part I: Mall Fountains

Follow Patrick Quinn by Patrick Quinn

Patrick Quinn

Patrick Quinn

Lives in: San Juan Capistrano
From: Long Beach, NY
Birthday: April 26, 1976
Occupation: Writer
Web: http://quinntessentialwriting.com/
Twitter: @QuinnPJ
Facebook: CaptainDynamo

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"See a penny, pick it up…"

Alright. Now that you are a parent, you have become aware of certain things that you never needed to think of before. Little things that never occurred to you suddenly need your full attention and need to be instantly corrected. Back in the day if you spilled a few pennies out of your pocket onto the floor it was no problem. In 12 or 13 weeks the vacuum would surely pick them up (If you girlfriend is nice enough to vacuum). I’m sure things like that have been corrected by now. All of the sockets are covered, anything smaller than a grapefruit is now at your shoulder height and if something can break and hurt your child, it has been removed from the household completely.

I’m here to bring to your attention perils that you never would have thought of. They are perils that can spring out of anywhere which can drastically affect not only you and your child, but also all of those around you. This will be an ongoing lesson, with follow up articles to come. As I become aware of them, I will pass my unfortunate wisdom on in the hopes that you might become prepared. They are…the perils that can RUIN YOUR PLANS FOR YOUR DAY!!

Peril #1: Mall Fountains
Here is something you have probably only given a cursory glance at in the past. You may have sat near one, maybe even tossed a coin in. When you are at the mall you know they are there, but for the most part ignore them completely. Not anymore my friends. Once your child discovers them, they do not become desensitized to them. A fountain at a mall is an attraction like none other and once your child sees them, your day is done. You will spend hours sitting at that fountain hoping that yours is not the child that falls in. They have to look. They HAVE to touch the water with their hands and occasionally feet. You can’t leave the fountain without a complete and utter meltdown. Somehow to them the fountain is like every Sesame Street character doing a personal dance for them while feeding them sugary treats and reading their favorite story. It can never end, and when you force it to end, you will lose.

Solution
If you are heading to the mall to kill time, by all means head straight to the fountain. Heck, bring a bathing suit while you’re at it. If not, you must be aware of your mall fountains and their locations. It’s the only way you will be able to get in, get to the store and exit before the mall closes. Plan your course accordingly. If this adds 2 extra miles to the walk you need to do, consider the exercise a blessed alternative. If you are forced to walk past one, DISTRACT, DISTRACT, DISTRACT!!! Make SURE they are looking the other way. No matter what the buffoonery you are forced to perform to accomplish this, do it. Other parents near you will be the only ones who understand, so don’t worry about the non-parents who give you the odd look.

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