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Are We There Yet?

Trent Hamilton
June 27, 2012

Is this your family?

Who remembers your family vacations from childhood? Do these phrases sound familiar: Are we there yet? How much farther? Don’t make me turn this car around! …

My family took a 10-day to 2 week vacation almost every year when I was growing up. That is 2 weeks in our family station wagon, road-tripping all over the east coast of the United States. Most of those trips revolved around some historic landmark, because my parents are antique collectors and history nuts. While I didn’t appreciate it as much then, those trips are cherished memories from my childhood!

So, while they are cliché, all of the above phrases were uttered at least once during each one of our vacations. If my brother and I were sleeping in the back seat while driving, my dad would tell us, “if you two are just going to sleep the whole time, I can just turn around and go home!” We asked, constantly, how much farther it was. The catch was, if we wanted a real answer, we had to pay $.25 from our vacation allowance.

Don’t let this happen to your family truckster!

I think that family vacations are an important part of childhood. Whether you are flying somewhere exotic, road-tripping across the country, or just going somewhere close for a couple of days, families should travel and spend the time together, it’s a rite of passage!

For those of you who are considering a family “road trip” style of vacation, I offer up these simple rules for you:

When & where to stop for restroom breaks is only determined by the bladder size of the driver of the vehicle, everyone else should bring a plastic bottle! (this rule may be altered in the event that a child has a diaper that must be changed for fear of asphyxiation)
When & where to stop and eat is only determined by the driver of the vehicle. I do recommend considering a restaurant that has a bar (see rule #5)!
The choice of what music to listen to is only determined by the driver of the vehicle. I recommend forcing the kids to listen to your favorite music from your teenage years, maybe the 80’s & 90’s stations if you have Sirius or XM radio!
Careful consideration should be put into where to stay overnight. Staying somewhere with a pool and a bar is highly recommended (see rule #5)!
When packing, there should be enough room reserved for a cooler to hold the favorite drink of the driver (and maybe a couple of juice boxes for the kids)! Whether you are a beer drinker or you prefer something stronger, after a day in the car with the kids, you will NEED a drink!
The driver of the vehicle should go to great lengths to remind the passengers that he/she is NOT afraid to turn the car around and go back home! Reasons for using this phrase include: fighting, annoyance, complaining about the restroom or restaurant or music, sleeping, etc.
The driver of the vehicle should stop for the night ONLY when he/she is too tired to drive any longer. It should be the goal to drive as long and hard as possible, as to reach the ultimate destination as soon as possible!

Don’t worry, the cooler is in the middle seat!

It is my hope that these rules help you on your next family vacation. It is important to remember that the driver of the vehicle is in charge, so if you need to be in charge, then you need to drive! Whether you are loading up in the “family truckster”, Griswold style, or renting a luxury van, follow these simple rules and you are destined to have a great time…who cares if anyone else does!