A dad’s eye view on nurturing your child’s true potential

Donovan Grant
July 8, 2012

Donovan Grant

Lives in: London
From: London
Occupation: IT Business Analyst, Performance & Youth Coach
Web: http://www.donovangrant.com
Twitter: @donovangrant
Facebook: donovan.grant.10
YouTube: youareadiamond

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This Saturday was spent doing orientation training for the Olympics. I am one of over 70,000 volunteers who are going to help make 2012 the best Olympics event ever! Definitely an opportunity of a lifetime…

Now unfortunately I haven’t figured out how to be in two places at once just yet. So this meant while I was at the training, my 10 year old son Nathan was taking part in a football competition. All the scout groups in the area meet once a year to decide who has the best football team; it really is quite an event.

Even though dad couldn’t be there Nathan was super excited! In fact I don’t know if he slept much because he was still awake when we retired for the night.

Can you remember what it was like to have the excitement of a 10 year old?

His kit was laid out on the chair in his bedroom, his boots were all clean and he actually slept with the captain’s armband still on. His coach had selected him to lead the ‘A’ team and he was so looking forward to it. It’s these moments when our children’s enthusiasm transfers to us that we remember what it was like to be young.

So I get back home before Nathan and mum and wait patiently for the results. Through the garden doors I saw him walk in with a medal draped round his neck. The door is flung open and he was wearing a bit of a frown…

“Hey, champion how did it all go then?”

“It was rubbish!”

Cue the dad with a confused face.  “So what about the medal that you’re wearing?”

“It’s just a stupid medal! Our team finished third and we got a participants medal just like everyone else. Only the winners got a real trophy.”

Now I have to give a full disclosure here, Nathan does have a bit of a competitive streak (I don’t know where he gets it from). He also loves ‘fighting’ for a worthy cause. And he will always give 100% no matter what.

He went on to explain that every competitor on the day got the same medal as he did, even if they didn’t really play well. “Dad, even if you came last you got a medal! What’s the point in trying?”

My 10 year old had a really good point there. What is the value of a medal if you finish 3^rd and receive the same prize as the team who finishes last? In fact when young people are rewarded just for showing up, could this cause some of them to hold back on their efforts? This is not just about sport; this could easily spill over into other areas of their young lives (like studying for example).

Let’s be honest, no two children are really alike and there are many Nathan’s out there who will give it a go regardless. But what about the kids who need to improve their self-discipline? Will this ‘rewarding everyone the same’ system work for them? I’m not so sure.

Competitions for kids is one topic that maybe you have come across before in raising your own children and it will be debated for a while. But what I can tell you is that it took a lot of my best motivation skills and the neighbour’s son coming over to play before Nathan could get over this.

I think that it’s fair and healthy to teach our children that everybody does not win. They deserve to be taught that to be their best takes effort, it can take time and no matter who they are…. they will always be better at something than everyone they meet, and everyone they meet will be better than them at something.

Let’s nurture our children to beat their own personal best!

Donovan

What do you think?  Have your child ever faced this type of challenge? Share your comments in the box below!

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