What is the best way to discipline my children?

Donovan Grant
July 24, 2012

Donovan Grant

Lives in: London
From: London
Occupation: IT Business Analyst, Performance & Youth Coach
Web: http://www.donovangrant.com
Twitter: @donovangrant
Facebook: donovan.grant.10
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The morning trains into London are always full of parents who are losing sleep and gaining stress so that their child can have a better life then they did. It’s not just about having extra money and treating the children to nice gifts. It’s the dreaded “D” word… discipline.

Now we all know that some of the primary roles of a parent are to keep children loved, safe and nurtured. The thing is, no matter how well our children behave for the most part, there will come times when we have to lay down the law! Let them know what’s expected within the family ~ kind of like the family rules. This is where the discipline comes into play.

Isn’t it funny how different families have varied ideas on discipline? You only have to have a stroll through the shopping mall on the weekend, to see what I’m talking about…

“David, you go another step and I’m going to slap you”

“Sally, stop the whining otherwise you’re not going to get an ice cream”

“John, SHUT UP right now!”

That’s right and then you have a few who spank first and ask questions later!  “Ouch!”

I don’t know about you, yet in my experience I found that parenting is not an exact science. Some days you have to shout, some days you have to listen and some days you have to motivate. Every day is different.

Have you ever pondered on the question “what is the best way to discipline my children?”

It sounds an odd thing to think, but the general consensus (and the government of course) advises that the days of spanking children are long gone; especially as children start getting older.

Well this just forces us parents to become more creative and try new ideas. See what response it has on our kids. If it works great, if not try something else. We’ve got to remember, the only reason why we discipline children is to teach children a lesson… “it’s for their own good!”

Just this week a friend posted a photo on Facebook of a teenaged girl who was standing behind her dad’s car on the highway holding a massive white banner. The banner read “I LIED TO MY FATHER!”

The father was standing right in front of the young lady military style ensuring the she kept the banner held high. This was the father’s way of discipline his daughter. It’s easy for us to look at the picture without knowing the background and saying “that is a bit harsh” – public humiliation. Some of you parents may even say “good on you dad!”

I guess the question that crossed my mind was “could I see myself as a dad having to resort to that style of discipline?”

My answer was “no way” and to be honest, I would probably be just as embarrassed as my daughter would be. Well, the thing is if you have to resort to this extreme parenting style, doesn’t that mean that you may have not been setting the right boundaries as the child has been growing up? Could it be your lack of attention in the early years have come back to bite you?

Well maybe if we change the way we discipline our children, it could change our lives too. Maybe the parents on the train don’t have to worry about yelling, power struggles and constantly repeating themselves. What they need to think about goes back to the grass roots of parenting… what type of person am I raising my child to be?

Jen and I have found that focusing on building a loving relationship is at the core of discipline for us. By giving our children the independence to review and correct their own actions when they mess up. Hey, let’s face it, all kids are going to mess up sometime (oh and parents too). So one of the challenges that I try to develop is to catch myself and ask “how can I turn this into a learning situation?” Are we perfect parents? Do we get it right every time? Heck no!! After 20 years of parenthood, this daddy still has a lot to learn, for sure.

The bottom line is that hands-on parenting takes more time and energy from the parents because the whole focus is on the long-term. The effort is definitely worth it and so will the results be. The vision is all about building a relationship with your child. Doesn’t every parent want a confident, loving and independent child?

Let’s keep the vision alive for our children.

From my heart to yours.

Donovan

What do you think? What’s your discipline for children plan? How’s it working out? Or are you about to implement one? Leave your questions and comments in the box below.

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