Nicholas Bhasin
August 3, 2012
A big part of being a parent is assessing blame. Your child’s a bit of a dumb-dumb? You didn’t read to him enough. Your child climbed into the dish washer again? You shouldn’t have been drinking on the balcony. Blame, blame, blame.
Well, I’m sick of it. See, my two-year-old son is a picky eater. He hates everything. Meat, dairy, vegetables, you name it, my boy won’t eat it. And I’ve been beating myself up over it, wondering what I’ve been doing that’s so wrong.
But my ship has come in! As it turns out, according to this article I didn’t really read, my child’s selective eating habits are not my fault. So how do I know it’s not my fault if I didn’t read the article? It says it right there in the headline! Why would I read it?
Some of you might not be convinced just because of one article. That’s why I’ve taken the liberty of transcribing a typical dinner session…
Me: Yummy, here’s some chicken. Mmm, it looks so good.
My Little Miracle Baby: I don’t want that.
Me: But you love this stuff.
MLMB: Don’t tell me what I love.
Me: Okay, how about I just tell you to keep your trap shut and eat your dinner.
MLMB: How am I going to keep my trap shut and eat at the same time? Where do I put the food?
Me: I don’t care! Just eat!
MLMB: No!
Me: Eat it!
MLMB: YOU eat it!
Me: No!
MLMB: Eat it, chunky!
Me: Stop calling me chunky! I ate already!
MLMB: That’s never stopped you before! Oink oink!
Me: I don’t make that piggy noise!
MLMB: Hey, here’s you eating: Oink. Woof woof. I’m a hedgehog. Gimme more to eat. All I do is eat and boss people around. Ribbit. Oink. Moo. Moo!
Before, I would have thought it was weird that my son was taunting me with pig noises and I might have reflected on my parenting. But now I know better. This sort of thing is totally normal and it’s not my fault if it’s not. Which is a relief, because looking back, I probably said some things that might be construed as slightly judgmental…
“You practically dunked your head in that cereal. Have some self respect!”
Or…
“Oh, my God, look at you trying to eat. I’ve got to take a picture of this and send it to Bizarre Eating magazine!”
Or…
“You’re eating the pizza crust? What are you, a hobo?”
Again… not my fault.
But what do YOU guys think? Are your kids picky eaters? Have you ever read Bizarre Eating magazine?
–
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