Name It and Claim It

Curtis Frost
September 12, 2012

Curtis Frost

Lives in: Birmingham, AL
From: Pell City, AL
Occupation: Multimedia Marketing
Web: http://www.onestepfather.com/
Twitter: @OneStepFather
Facebook: curtis.frost1

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From a young age, we learn how to hope or wish for the things we want. We blow out birthday candles, we toss pennies into fountains at the mall, we watch for shooting stars, or we may even drop a quarter into an shady fortune teller machine and go dancing on a giant keyboard. The wish is always focused on the future: we hope we get it, we want to achieve it, some day it will be mine. My son has taken on a new tactic. He still tells us that he wants something for his birthday or Christmas, but for some desired prizes he has taken to assuming ownership on the spot. “Name It and Claim It” some say, but I call it “The Find and Mine Method.”

Sean has his eye on a few things right now thanks to TV spots during Spongebob, and his fifth birthday being a month away. One is a stuffed animal that lights up when you squeeze it to serve as a nightlight. They’ve got all kinds of animals, and the penguin is his favorite. He doesn’t ask for it nor does he verbally wish for it. It’s his. “Mine is the penguin.” How brilliant is that? It’s almost like we are damaging his reality by not getting it for him. In his mind, it’s his. He can’t go get it out of his room, but he owns it. The same goes for “his” houseshoes that look like a one-eyed monster. As you walk, the eyes open and close. From the minute he saw it, it was his. I’m pretty sure he has some for his mom picked out as well, but I don’t remember what they were.  He had his first success with my wife’s mother.  He has been addicted to these weird YouTube videos of kids playing with Mario toys.  Despite never having known the joys of secret warp zones or learning that leaves can turn you into a flying raccoon, he had to have one.  His Nonna did not disappoint, hence the Mario explosion in the picture.  In fact, his dedication made him grow a mustache virtually overnight.  I think his plan will continue to work, so I hope he remembers what Peter Griffin said in “Family Guy” once: “With great mustache comes great responsibility.”

I work in media sales, so it’s clear to me that my son is using “the assumptive close.” He is so sure that THIS will be HIS, that he doesn’t even need to ask. I wish it worked for me. Maybe I should say “It will work for me…”

My raise IS $10,000 per year. Let me check my wallet…hmmm…I must be doing it wrong.

I did happen to run across the nightlight dog at a Toys R Us one weekend, and he’s going to have to really claim the bejesus out of it to get me to spend $30 on something smaller than my shoe. Can the power of absolute certainty trump my inherent cheapness? If my wife has anything to say about, then yes.

Yes, dear, it is his birthday and he wants it. By the way, Katie Cat, we will have a little fun alone time tonight (hint, hint). Oh. We’ll be folding clothes? Ok.

I’ve got to figure this Jedi Mind Trick thing out.  Maybe a more authoritative mustache would help…

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