Tommy Riles
September 5, 2012
Lives in: Los Angeles
Occupation: Comedian & Audience Warm-up, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Life of Dad Founder
Twitter: @tommyriles
Facebook: 575811228
The NFL Season starts today. Do you have a last minute fantasy football draft, where you’re looking for a sleeper pick?
If I were you, I would totally consider drafting the youngest Tommy Riles.
Here’s why:
-Â Â Â Â He is in the 100 percentile in weight and height.
-Â Â Â Â Â Â He wrestles dogs as a hobby.
-      He grew that ‘stache in a day.
-      He’s started saying, ‘Mahhhh..mahhhh,’ which is clearly a ‘Yo mama’ joke.
-Â Â Â Â Â Â He stands right back up after getting hit by his sister.
-Â Â Â Â Â Â He has a scar on his nose from a run-in with a fireplace.
-      If you mess with him, he’ll spit up on you.
-Â Â Â Â Â Â He chews on dog bones when nobody is looking.
-      He fights dirty. Pulling hair, poking you in the eye… he does whatever it takes.
-Â Â Â Â Â Â He only has two teeth left.
-Â Â Â Â Â Â His dad can almost throw a spiral.
-      He didn’t just leave college early to play ball. He never even went to college.
-      He’s waking up now, so I have to run…
Draft Tommy Riles….just make sure you cut up his food into tiny pieces.
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