Son tells dad to back off: Are you serious?

Donovan Grant
October 16, 2012

Donovan Grant

Lives in: London
From: London
Occupation: IT Business Analyst, Performance & Youth Coach
Web: http://www.donovangrant.com
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My head said “yes” but my heart said “no”. What a dilemma for a dad.

Our little guy had just failed his karate grading. He was so looking forward to stepping up from blue belt to red belt just like his sister did. It wasn’t to be.

When the lead sensei made the announcements he started like this “a few of you didn’t quite make the grade today. You very close. You just need to be a little sharper in the moves and solid in the stances, so I want you guys to come back next moth to re-grade.”

It’s difficult to deliver that kind of message to a bunch of 9 & 10 year olds. The worst bit was that they had to stand in line and watch their fellow graders run up to the front to collect their certificates and new belts with big smiles on their faces. It was tough viewing!

I wondered what really goes through the mind of a child at a moment like this?

My son’s sensei came over and gave him a pep talk. It was mostly a one way conversation about the standards and values of doing karate. He then offered Nate an ultimatum “you have a choice right now, either you quit or you go away train really hard and then come back next month and get your red belt! What are you going to do?”

A couple of seconds of silence . . .

“I’m going to come back and get my red belt!”

The dilemma I had was do I give our little guy a hug or leave him to stand alone in his thoughts. Red eyed. Sweating. Breathing heavily from the tough workout he beat me to the punch . . .

“Dad, don’t touch me!”

That’s when I knew he was okay. He wanted to handle this defeat in his own way. I was proud of our Nate. He had tasted his first real defeat and he wanted to come back and have another go.

How can you prepare children for their first defeat? Not very easily. But the thing is- learning about handling failure is much part of the development of the child as brushing their teeth.

As we nurture our little ones to become boys and girls that we love, are proud of and ultimately become independent, we have to let them know it’s okay not to be perfect. We’ve got to give them the chance to fall down and get up again on their own two feet.

It can be an exciting time in the life of dad and mum too to watch your kids fail. Just imagine the fun that Tommy had watching baby Tommy trying and failing to make his first steps. That final breakthrough step makes all the previous failed attempts well worth it.

How about your little guys and girls, what do you share with them about not getting what they want? My favourite message is that every failure brings with it the seed of a future victory.

Let’s help children to get even more success and be the best that they can be!

What are your thoughts about children and failure? Have you got a story from your own childhood? Please leave a comment or question blow it would be great to hear from you.

With gratitude.

Donovan

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