Well Worth The Wait

Mario Villalobos
October 19, 2012

Mario Villalobos

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Well, the Rookie Dad is back!  After a bit of a hiatus, I’m back to this blog, and boy has my world changed!

In the last few weeks leading up to that our estimated due date of September 17, my wife Jessica had begun feeling the effects of the pregnancy.  Her back was often sore, her energy was drained, and comments like “I can’t wait to get this kid out of me” were becoming more and more frequent.  I tried, as always, to remain supportive and helpful in anyway I could.  September 17 came and went with no baby arriving, much to our mutual disappointment.  I assured my wife that the baby would soon be with us, and that only the best things take time.  Then came the morning of September 20…..

It was 4a.m.  Jessica and I were both in bed, fast asleep.  After years of working nights and sleeping during the day, my body has been conditioned to sleep through pretty much any noise, movement, or any other stimuli.  But on that morning, my wife jerked up out of bed and said words that pulled me out of the deepest reaches of slumber: “Honey, my water just broke.”  I have never in my life awakened so quickly, so fully.  As she ran to the restroom, I leaped out of our bed, fully intending to spring into action.  I have to admit that the weight of the moment came crashing down on me.  We had been thinking about and waiting for this moment since finding out Jessica was pregnant, and no matter how many times I practiced it in my mind, I could not have prepared myself for the level of emotion I felt.  It knocked my mind for a loop, so much so that I even suggested that we “wait around for a bit and see if the baby was really coming.”  Half a minute and a couple expletives later, I was back in my right mind.  I got dressed, grabbed our pre-packed bags, and even got our dogs put away in our laundry room, all in record time.  I made a few quick calls to each set of grandparents, and then we were on our way.

Arriving at the hospital and going through triage was pretty run of the mill.  A couple forms here, a blood pressure check there.  All the while though, I was filled with a sense of anticipation that is hard to describe.  Jessica was eventually moved from triage into a labor/delivery room, and the waiting game began.  I’ve heard some folks talk about quick deliveries.  We were in no such category.  As the hours passed, my mind was on a bit of a roller coaster.  Each time a nurse comes in, you think this may be it, they’re going to say that they can see the head or she’s fully dilated.  You’re on an emotional pendulum, and each minute that passes can swing it in any direction. I tried focusing on helping Jessica in anyway I could, but there really is only so much you can do as the father.  Some things are just out of your control.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, the doctor told us that Jessica had almost fully dilated.  At around 8:30p.m., the doctor determined that Jessica was too numb (from the epidural) and she was not able to push.  The decision was made to take her off the epidural and have her attempt pushing as the numbness went away.

So with instruction from the nurse, the pushing began.  I took my place next to Jessica’s head and at first wasn’t too sure what to do.  I asked her if she wanted me to hold her hand: “Don’t touch me.”  I offered some more ice chips: “I don’t need any damn ice chips.”  I even asked her if she thought it’d be best if I waited in the lobby: “OH NO, I don’t think so. You’re staying right HERE!”  And so I decided to stop asking questions.  Each time the nurse told Jessica to do a set of pushes, I found myself tensing right along with her.  I caught myself several times holding the side of the bed, my body rigid and flexing as I watched Jessica strain.  I had to keep reminding myself that I didn’t have to hold my breath in during the pushes.  Eventually I began cheerleading for Jessica, telling her “Good push” or “Keep it up honey.”  It was about all I could do.  After sometime, the baby’s head had breached, and the doctor was summoned along with some additional nurses.  The preparations were made for the final push, and the doctor told us “Ok this is it. Time to get this baby.”  With a last series of good pushes (and my cheerleading), our son Bruce was born at 10:44p.m.

When he first came out, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.  Here was this baby that we had been preparing for for months.  All the wondering what he would look like, all the day dreaming of what I would say, it all came to this.  Unfortunately, Bruce wasn’t quite as active as he should’ve been upon coming out.  So much so that the doctor and the nurses took Bruce off to a table on the side and began working on him, doing different tasks like suctioning his airway, rubbing his body, and putting an oxygen mask on him.  I share this because it is the most scared and worried I have ever been in my life.  I share this because while I hope no future fathers experience this type of moment,  I also hope to share that it’s natural to feel concerned in a situation like this.  After a few minutes of working on Bruce, the doctor looked at me and reassured me that Bruce was ok.  His color was good showing normal circulation, his breathing was fine, and his level of oxygenation was right where it should be.  It had been a long delivery, and the labor is just as taxing on the baby as it is on Mommy.  Bruce was taken to the ICU for observation to be on the safe side.

After a few hours, Bruce was released from the ICU and I got to deliver him to Jessica, who was now in a recovery room.  The rest of our stay at the hospital was pretty routine.  Family and friends came in droves to meet our little guy.  We were discharged after 2 days and were able to come home with our son.

I’ve thought about how I would be able to describe what you feel at the birth of a child.  How can you explain the unconditional love that you feel the instant you see your baby?  I don’t think I have the words that would give it justice.  To use the cliche, it’s just something you have to experience for yourself.  But when you do experience it, it is the best feeling you could ever have.  I love Bruce more than I could ever hope to describe, and my every action is fueled by that love.  Everything from 3a.m. diaper changes, to fitting the stroller in the car, to going to work everyday to provide everything I can for him.  There is an amazing journey along the road of fatherhood, and though I’m just at the start of it, I can tell that it definitely was well worth the wait.

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