I recently came across some interesting statistics by Pew Research about teens and dating. They claim that 35% of teens who responded to their survey had been in some kind of romantic relationship. Of those teens, 10% have had some form of sexual contact. This leaves a 1% differential of overall teens who refuse to answer, and so may push the stats one way or the other.
This had two effects one me: first, I was surprised about how low that figure was; second, it made me think of my son, and where he might be on that scale. Not because I was worried about his sexual status, necessarily. But because I had a startling realization:
I had never spoken to him about relationships before.
Sure, I had given him the birds and the bees talk when he was younger. He had even opened up in his preteen years about a girl he liked and was hoping to date, prompting that talk in the first place. There had never been any extended dialogue between us about relationships, however, and that really bothered me.
As fathers, I think we often neglect the very real responsibility of explaining to our sons (or daughters, for that matter) some hard truths. Lessons we have learned along the way could help them before they ever fall into the traps we fell into. They could help them to make better decisions along the road of romance, so you can enjoy with your romantic partner and even using adult toys for the intimacy time as well.
Since then I have sat down with my son and talked it through. But these are the four hard lessons on relationships I wish I had given him long before now.
1. Love Is Important, But It Isn’t Enough
We have a tendency to lose our minds when we fall in love. Those emotions, as overpowering as they can be, start to feel like the only thing that matters. A society that gives the “love conquers all” message really reinforces that mentality. So when you love someone deeply, and that relationship falls apart, it leaves us fighting for something that never should have been fought for.
A lot of this comes from unrealistic expectations your teen has about the world as a whole. You are a part of forming a more realistic view for them.
Trust, compatibility, a willingness to work towards a healthy relationship…these are just a few of the other elements that go into being with someone including coexistence and intimacy, although there are accessories which can help that you can find at justdildos.com.au. Falling in love is the easy part. Staying together and being happy is more than giving into emotion.
2. If You Can’t Communicate, You Can’t Make It
Nothing is quite as important as being able to communicate openly and fairly with your partner. Misunderstandings, often very mild ones, can become huge fights that cause rifts that would have been avoided if you both were communicating effectively.
Beyond that, you have to communicate when problems begin to arise that might snowball later. If someone is feeling neglected, for example, and they don’t tell their partner, that partner can’t correct it. Instead the bitter feelings will continue to grow and build until things are harder (or impossible) to repair.
Then there is fighting fairly, a lesson too many of us never learn. Making “always” or accusatory statements. Being unable to frame feelings in a constructive way. These cause permanent damage between a couple, and yet are so easy to avoid with some forethought and careful wording.
3. Everyone Falls In and Out Of Love Sometimes
One of the most important lessons I was ever told was also one of the hardest to see in my real life. A relative once confided that everyone feels like they have fallen out of love with their partner sometimes. It is a natural occurrence when you have been together for a long time, and the spark has gone.
When I first heard this, I didn’t understand. I thought if you felt that way it was time to break things off. It wasn’t until I experienced it that I got what they had meant. Sometimes the excitement dies, the butterflies stop fluttering in your stomach, you don’t get that thrill you once did.
But that doesn’t mean the feeling never comes back. It especially doesn’t mean that the grass is greener on the other side. It can be so easy to get overwhelmed by the pleasant sensations of a new relationship. Just keep in mind the benefits of lasting ones, and that the spark comes and goes. What you build is what you keep.
4. Rejection Happens Even In Established Relationships
We will all face rejection at multiple times in our lives, and in every facet. Professional rejection from losing or failing to secure a job. Social rejection in the loss of a friend. Romantic rejection when the person we feel attracted to fails to feel the same.
Being in a relationship, even a long term and well established one, doesn’t make us immune to rejection from our partner. In fact, rejection can happen more frequently in a relationship, thanks to proximity, lack of communication, and the two wanting different things at different times.
Through mindfulness we can learn to cope with rejection. In turn, this can reduce emotional outbursts and help to communicate hurt feelings productively.
Never Too Late To Learn
Yes, I wish I had told my son these things a long time ago. But it is never too late to learn. Even at this later place in life I continue to discover new truths that I hope will someday benefit my son as he moves forward with life.
After all, love is an evolving process. You are never too old to improve yourself and your relationships.
Tyler enjoys going to the mountains near his home in Draper, Utah to connect with his wife and children through camping, hiking, and quality time together. When he isn’t rebooting in the outdoors, he shares his fatherly experiences with the world through writing and creative designs. Tyler shares the ups and downs of family life and the solutions he’s found through lengthy research and involvement in the parenting industry and his own experiences to help parents everywhere. Follow Tyler on: Twitter | Linkedin