With just over a month until Father’s Day, we at Life of Dad are featuring a different fantastic dad every day. Today, it’s David Stanley, a great writer, whose most recent piece, “One Shot Away From Combustion”, was featured in the Good Men Project. Here is David’s bio in his own words:
Voice-over artist and writer. Musician, teacher & science geek. Coach, skier and bike racer. Cancer survivor. I call it curiosity and my wife calls it ADHD, but I find nearly everything interesting. My son is 20 and still needs his Dad. I am 54 and so do I. I blog on the oddities of life, lifecycle events, Judaism, sports (usually bicycle racing and soccer and golf; unless something grabs my attention), kids and education and cancer. Usually. Unless something grabs my attention.
My first memory as a father is… It will be 21 years ago this December, a newborn under an operating room baby warmer grabbed my finger. And my heart, all at the same time. Aaron is an only child, and at 20, he’s a bit older than most of the kids whose Dads are featured in 30 Dads in 30 Days. I am 55 this July, so I might offer a different perspective. On the other hand, I still lean heavily on my 82 year old Father…
The funniest thing my kid does is… Aaron and I have evolved an uncanny ability to simultaneously spout out the same pop culture references in conversation. The other day at a Lebanese restaurant, we spilled some hummus onto the carpet. We started singing, from the Who’s Tommy- There’s more on the floor – a parody of the line “There’s more at the door.”
Our humor is similar. We both love Monty Python & XKCD. As a high school teacher, I have gained a fine appreciation for his generation’s sense of humor. However, I have this unsavory habit of seizing on teaching moments at home. He has the habit of responding with “Who are you who is so wise in the ways of science?” from Monty Python and the Holy Grail @ 3:40. He’s not paying me a compliment. He is funny.
What did you get your baby’s Mama for Mother’s Day? Before Aaron’s mother (Andi) and I split up when he was 3 or 4, I was a Stay-At-Home-Dad, long before it was popular. I was an independent financial advisor with a flexible schedule. When I moved out, Aaron came with me. Early on, Andi and I had difficult moments. We resolved them long ago and now we count each other as good friends. On Mother’s and Father’s Day, we thank each other profusely for being able to get our kid to this stage of his life. My spouse (Cathy) and I have been married for 12 years. I absolutely cannot envision doing this without her. She is totally supportive of me and an outstanding parent in her own right. My Mother’s Day present to her is simple: It is the appreciation I try to show her every day for her help in getting Aaron ready to launch.
If you and your wife could vacation without your kids, where would you go? Two places: Park City, Utah and Hilton Head Island. We love to ski. We love being in the mountains. Cath loves Deer Valley where the snow is groomed every day as well as the fine silver was polished in Victorian homes. I love all the mountains in the PC area. There are great restaurants and clubs. The vibe in the whole town suits us. It’s definitely on the short list for retirement because the summers are equally incredible.
Hilton Head is another. We love the shore. I’m an avid golfer and Cath can play a bit as well. We have a great time on the course together. Plus, there is great tennis and horseback riding and dolphin-watching kayak expeditions. Most importantly, HHI has some of the East Coast’s best seafood.
If you could go on any vacation with your kids, where would you go? Park City. Aaron skied from three until he was seven. One day, he looked at me and said, “Dad, I’m a snowboarder now.” He’d never been on a board before. He rips the mountain. I grew up a ski racer and once he hit his teens, I never waited for him. He learned to keep up. He is my best companion in the steeps on the mountains. We’re equals there. Plus, he got me on a board. I have a carving board which is to snowboarding as longboarding is to a regular skateboard. It’s like surfing. Only colder.
What’s your favorite meal? Probably chicken under a brick with fresh sweet corn and grilled asparagus and one of Cath’s fruit pies for dessert. (My wife knows her pie!) The chicken is split (spatchcocked) and an herb mixture is rubbed between the skin and flesh. A bit of olive oil, salt and pepper on the skin. Build your fire off to one side of the grill and sear the skin side for ten minutes over direct heat. Move the chicken to the indirect side and place a brick over each half of chicken. Cook until your thermometer says it’s done. Flip and cook for five minutes to crisp up the skin. It’s amazing. Use regular old bricks. You can wrap them with foil if you’re a sissy.
What’s your favorite meal to cook for your son? Either the chicken or ribs. I have a smoker. I’ve developed a rib rub and mustard slather I really like. Aaron is doing a lot of the work with me these days. Guys need to know how to cook. Chicks dig guys who can cook. Here’s the book you want to get you started.
How are you like your own dad? My Dad is very demanding. Not in a mean-spirited or nasty way, he just insists, as I do, that things must be done properly. You keep your word. You stand up for those who can’t stand for themselves. I wrote a piece for Aaron when he turned 18 and about half of the things in this piece are straight from my Dad’s mouth. It’s called “Forty Things a Young Man Should Know.”
My most traumatic parenting experience was when… I don’t know that I have one. Aaron has stayed pretty healthy. Until December of 2012, when my brother died of cancer, he hadn’t lost anyone close. It was tough when his Mom and I split up. I felt badly for him that we couldn’t make it work, but I knew that he’d be okay because we both loved him and we tried to keep our personal battles between us. We failed at that sometimes. It’s not possible to be 100% successful with that one.
He’s had some not-great stuff happen (school, friends, athletics) but I’ve never looked at that as trauma. That’s just life. If I don’t give Aaron the chance to “meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same”-(Kipling), then I am not raising a son who can go out into the world and be successful. I am raising a human life form inside of bubble-wrap. Let your child fail. It’s difficult to do. It is necessary.
Describe your perfect Father’s Day. That’s easy. Three years ago-2010. It was the last one before my brother Michael was hit with a horrific oral cancer. Over the course of several surgeries, he lost part of his tongue and had it rebuilt with a graft from his forearm. He developed metastases. He had his tongue and jaw removed, and his mandible replaced with a titanium prosthesis. He suffered a lot and was incredibly brave. For that Father’s Day; my brother and me and our Dad, plus my kid and Mike’s kids – everyone present and correct. Mikey’s cancer returned last year around Father’s Day. He died in December. He was my best friend. I miss him a lot. I blog about him a lot. This Father’s Day will be tough for our Dad. We are not supposed to bury our children.
If fatherhood was a beer, which type of beer would it be and why? Ah, beer. Something brewed here in Michigan. Something with all the flavors of life; bitter and sweet and rich, roasted and hoppy. I’m thinking a Founders Brewing Breakfast Stout.
From their website: The coffee lover’s consummate beer. Brewed with an abundance of flaked oats, bitter and imported chocolates, and Sumatra and Kona coffee, this stout has an intense fresh-roasted java nose topped with a frothy, cinnamon-colored head that goes forever.
Yep. That sounds about perfect.
Make sure you head over and check out David’s blog and also his voiceover website. You can also follow David on Facebook and Twitter.
