The Captain and family had the opportunity to take in the Indiana State Fair this past weekend. Based on that experience, I thought it would be prudent to offer some advice to you in case you decide to do the same. Keep in mind that I am from the city…SO my experience may be different from yours. Without further ado-
1. Choose your footwear carefully. Flip flops and sandals are a nice staple of summertime footwear. You might look nice. You might even look cute. You might also step in a pile of poo. There are animals EVERYWHERE. And. They. Poop. Rain boots might be smart.
2. If taking small children, choose your stroller carefully. You want a vehicle that is easy to maneuver through crowds, yet large enough to carry all the free stuff that you win/are given. Also, if you have a small child that may be a flight risk (like the Diaper Dweller) it is wise to choose a transporter with safety restraints. We chose the double stroller over the wagon for this reason.
3. Plan your visit. If there are certain things that you want to see and/or avoid be sure to plan your route. This year we chose animals, rides, food, game, rides, food as our schedule. All depends on your priorities. A lot of people prefer to save rides and games towards the end of their venture because it leaves a bit of fun lingering. Also, who wants to carry around a life sized stuffed animal that you spend $20 winning but only cost $1 to buy and will probably break open on the ride home causing more tears than joy and makes you question humanity itself and wonder aloud who created the state fair and why they included games with such cheap prizes that no one ever likes and will probably wind up collecting dust and cat hair in the corner of the room of your child’s room that they refused to clean before you came to the fair and now you never want to go to the state fair again until next year or maybe not ever. Yeah, that was a large run on sentence. If you are a parent, you understand that sometimes you think in run ons. Read on.
4. Bring hand sanitizer, but wash your hands. Animals. Poop. Need I say more?
5. Make a budget, then double the amount of money to bring. The fair was cheaper when it was just Mrs. Captain and I. Then the kids came. Then they could ride rides. Oye.
6. Be sure to check out the size of other riders before agreeing to accompany a child. I took the Diaper Dweller on a train ride. I almost needed the jaws of life to get out of it. The whole ride he said “Choo Choo!” The whole ride I wondered if I had become a permanent fixture of the ride and how I would be able to enjoy my ear of corn if I was indeed stuck. Small kid rides means small vehicles. If you are plus sized like me, you might avoid them. You have been warned.
7. Pigs bite. It’s cute when the kids see them, laugh, and oink at them, but mind the sign when it says that the animals can bite. Do you remember how quickly they pulled Dorothy out of the pig pen in the Wizard of Oz? That’s because those things bite. Oink from afar.
8. The games are rigged. Yes, the fun people with the mics will tell you how easy it is, but the balls are overinflated, the rims too narrow, and so on and so on. Play for fun not prizes. But if you are gonna play one, play the guess your weight/birthday people. Those guys are always wrong.
9. People travel slowly in packs. While part of your group may be able to weave in And out of traffic, it is inevitable that you will get stick behind four people walking abreast in the slowest manner possible, oblivious to your existence and the cranky child in the stroller you are pushing. I have found that mooing is both humorous and effective in getting people to mooove.
10. Don’t take the poop home with you. Fairs are fun. Keep the memories not the cow dung. Check the shows of your children, wheels of your stroller, and your own shoes before heading home. Nothing worse than discovering skid marks in the trunk of your car/truck/minivan after an outing at the zoo. There are no blue ribbons for poop. Especially at home.
Those are my top tips for enjoying your State Fair. Also rember, llamas spit. For now…Captain out.
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