Why Stay Home?

My very first blog post… originally posted March 25, 2013. Thankfully, most of my expectations have come true thus far:

This is a question I have been asked a lot lately, ever since I began to share my stay-at-home plans with friends and colleagues. Along with the voices of support, reassurance, and encouragement have been the whispers of warning, worry, and surprise. I have been reminded of the burdens and challenges that come with a baby’s early weeks, months, and years. The value of a paycheck has been a topic of pointed discussion a time or two. Stories of lonely days in the house and constant screaming have been readily reported. One even suggested “It is hard enough for a Mom, but probably impossible for a Dad!” Impossible? Really? Every voice in the crowd comes to me, and is received, with the very best of intentions. I am sure of it. And yet the question lingers… why would I stay home?

Unfortunately, there is no short answer to that question. I wish there was. If I had a short or simple answer, it would not have taken so long to reach this verdict and my anxieties would be few and far between. But there is plenty of anxiety, of course, and the answer is rather complex. In the end, however, I think there were three primary players in my decision:

First, my experience as a teacher plays a major role. Having worked with hundreds of students, I cannot deny that I see a relationship between the level of parent involvement and the success of a child. I have known many students who had a parent as the primary caregiver at home and flourished with that support, and I have known many who struggled as they only had a few hours per day with mom and dad. Since my wife and I both have careers which demand the vast majority of our hours each day, time would always be a struggle with both of us working. I have no doubt this would impact our daughter. By no means is this a hard and fast rule. It is not a concrete relationship, but the correlation between the two clearly exists. There is a definite benefit to having a parent whose primary focus each day is caring for the child from home. It is a benefit I have witnessed time and time again, and one I always wanted to provide for my own child one day.

Second, my own childhood experience drives my personal ambitions as a parent. Growing up, my parents made many sacrifices and tough decisions to make sure one of them was always home with me. As my father worked days, my mom would go off to work night and weekend shifts. Obviously I had the occasional babysitter but, for the most part, it was always Mom or Dad at home for me. This helped me thrive as a young child and I am eternally grateful to them for giving me that experience. Knowing how much it meant to me in those early years, I naturally want to give the same gift to my child if I could.

Finally, I look at the finances. I was fortunate to work in a town that paid me pretty well as an elementary school teacher. My personal contribution to the family bank account was something I took great pride in. And, on top of this, I love money. I admit it. I like being able to buy things and have my fancy toys. Therefore, giving up a large chunk of change was a struggle for me. Also, I would not be contributing to my teacher pension, so there was a retirement factor to weigh-in. Then I discovered the high cost of daycare. Wow! When I looked closer at a few areas where we could cut costs, the math began to come together. There is the hope I will make some income as a writer from home, and I can do a little substitute teaching, but this is money I cannot bank on just yet. In the end, after daycare and all the costs and cutbacks, I calculated the financial difference between working at my current job and staying home was about $250 per week. I simply needed to ask, which was more valuable to me… the $250 or the time at home with our baby?

Staying at home with my daughter will bring so many gifts and blessings into my life. My wife and I will have the security of knowing she is in my care, not that of a stranger. I will begin to build an immense list of experiences that she and I will share forever, all of them beyond any tangible value. I will be able to use my experience as an educator to help fuel her growth and development at home. In short, the number of gifts I can provide for her, and the number of gifts she gives to me, will both grow exponentially if I am able to devote my full time and effort to her each day. I was happy to give up the extra $250 per week, and I cannot wait to begin my new job as Daddy.

In closing, this is simply my own experience coming to this decision. I know that staying at home is impossible for most families these days and we all have our own personal factors in the debate. Never take my words as being judgmental or critical in any way. I know that all of us, Dads and Moms alike, are simply doing the best we can for our children with what we have. I recognize how fortunate I am to have this option and, like you, can only hope and pray it is the option that works out best for my daughter.