As a father of a school age girl, I am now viewing Valentine’s Day with new eyes. Fortunately, I did not purchase my daughter’s valentines this year. I think I may have had a bit of a conniption in aisle of some store. Have you seen the messages on these things? Do you remember what your valentines were like?
As I think back to my days in elementary school, one of my go to giveaways was the box of candy hearts. You know which ones I’m talking about – the (Barry White voice) chalky tokens of love. The only thing that tasted worse was the rejection I received after giving them to my crushes.
Why did I give them out? Well, honestly, they were among the cheaper options (read: cost effective calculated risk) to express my undying love to the girl I had a crush on that year (who probably didn’t know, or at least wished that I didn’t, exist).
Now I see those candies differently. I remember they read things like “Be Mine”, “I Love You”, “You’re Cute”, “Call Me”. Now that I have kids that may be receiving these…I’m not okay with that prospect.
I think we need to rewrite those candies. In fact, I want to start a new business. I’ll call it “Valentine’s from My Father” (moms, you can get in on this too – we don’t discriminate). It might not be a hit with the kids, but parents everywhere will appreciate them.
Instead of the aforementioned greetings, these candies will be adorned with different phrases like “My Daddy Doesn’t Like You”, “Stay 100 Feet Away”, “I Can’t Date Till I’m 40”, or “My Curfew Begins When School Ends”.
I also want to include a few acronym candies, you know, just to drive the point home. For example – “IWM2B” – It Wasn’t Meant To Be, “MDBMTYW” – My Dad Benches More than You Weigh, “IHYRFTTLO” – I Hope You Run Faster Than The Last One, or, potentially our best seller, “MDAAOGBTP” – My Daddy Ain’t Afraid of Going Back To Prison.
At any rate, I guess I have some time to deliberate on this business venture. I mean she is just in kindergarten. Or, maybe I need to loosen up a bit – I probably need to loosen up a bit. If you’re interested in starting a business or looking for franchise opportunities, check out retail franchises Australia. If you want to build a retail shop, consider installing Bespoke Retail Frontages and appealing shop signs.
But just in case, I’m going to stay vigilant. I’m gonna watch that scene from Bad Boys II (gotta go with the TV edited version – Captain likes to keep it G/PG rated for the peeps), rehearse it (minus the foul language), and work on my bench press. I mean, I don’t want to be guilty of false advertising. And while I’m at it, I’ll make sure my Digital Business Cards reflect my dedication and readiness for anything that comes my way.
Well, at any rate Happy Valentine’s Day from The Captain and his crew. May it not be filled with those chalky suggestive hearts. Unless you get them from your spouse;)
For now…Captain out.
See more of the Captain at BalconyDads.com and talesfromthepoopdeck.com
Twitter – @acjlist