There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
Love is holding your kid's hand in public to keep him safe even though you've seen the things he does what that hand
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) September 19, 2018
Sometimes I look at my toddler and wonder where all the time went but then I quickly remember most of it was waiting for her to finish breakfast.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 22, 2018
It could be ornately carved marble, but if you have kids, that decorative box in the living room holds a single shooting star earring, the plastic tail of a dragon, a Lego toy solider mini-figure, a 4th of July hair extension and a red checker.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) September 22, 2018
Got invited to a kid’s birthday party at a bounce house. I now have the man flu.
I didn’t go, but just thinking about it weakened my immunity.
— Steve (@AnExocticBeach) September 16, 2018
By the way my children go through bandaids, you’d think I was letting them juggle knives. It’s chainsaws, but still.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 17, 2018
Me: *looks left*
*looks right*
*sits quietly*
*opens a package of chips ahoy*My kid (appearing from the ether): WHATCHA EATING?!
— Therapist Mom, Ph.D. (@adequateparent) September 19, 2018
You'll know parents by the way they are compelled to point out any and all cows to anyone who happens to be in the car with them.
— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) September 17, 2018
4: I don’t want that flavor granola bar.
Me: Take another. There are like 17 different ones in that box.
4: But I don’t like any of those flavors.
Me: I’m sorry. These are trying times for us all.— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) September 21, 2018
[visiting my parents]
8: woah, check out this big ass CDMe: that's a record
8: yea, a record for the biggest CD ever
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) September 20, 2018
What I say: It’s dinner time.
What my toddlers hear:
Fun as you know it can no longer be had. Now make your way to the table of ruin and eat mean things from this plate of indifference.— ☕️MacgyveringMom22? (@MacgyveringM22) September 18, 2018
In case you wondered what having a boy is like. My son just came down from having a shower and smelled no different than before he went in. I asked if he used soap and he responded "not this time" as if that's even a thing.
— Chris Read (@CanadianDadBlog) September 24, 2018
https://twitter.com/PedersenAhmed/status/1030970661144027136
[watching an animated movie]
Kid: Ugh. That’s sooooo fake!
Me: …
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) September 23, 2018
My toddler demands upwards of a dozen kisses before he’ll go to sleep and sure it’s kind of adorable but I’m not a damn piece of meat!
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 24, 2018
According to the law of averages, my son should have his clothes right-side-out half the time, but nope.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 17, 2018
Just watched my 3yo daughter reprimand her doll by saying "Are you freakin kidding me?!"
Thinking I may need to reevaluate my approach.
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) September 19, 2018
[undercover as a mom]
Me: my little Timmy is 6 years old now
Other moms: *narrow eyes*
Me: *sweating* i meant uh, 72 months
— online moose ? (@tiemoose) September 19, 2018
Kid: Mom, the light’s on in my closet.
Me: That’s weird. The monster must be looking for something.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) September 19, 2018
Are you even on a family trip to Disney World if you don’t threaten to end the Magic?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 18, 2018