The Chief Engineer is not typically a super tanker ship’s officer you would expect to find sobbing hysterically on deck at the ship’s loading port in the Persian Gulf.
Everyone has the highest respect for the Chief because it’s up to the person who holds that title to make certain the mechanical systems on the vessel operate properly at all times so the ship, her crew, and multi million dollar cargo can move safely from one port to another.
It was obvious to me that something was very wrong when my Chief, a twenty-two veteran Merchant Mariner was walking on deck alone & crying on that rainy Christmas week morning forty years ago when he & I were half a world away from our home & loved ones.
We both stepped inside to get out of the rain and my over the top depressed shipmate told me the following story about how his career career choice destroyed his family’s life & thankfully the story changed the course of my life forever……
Twenty years earlier the broken man who was about to pour his heart out to me was serving as a young Third Assistant Engineer when he returned home after an eight month voyage on a oil tanker. As he hugged his wife his five year old daughter jumped into her Daddy’s arms, hugged him tightly, gave him a big kiss and said, “Leave your bags here Daddy and come with me so you can meet my friend.” Happy to be home at last, my shipmate told me he would have preferred to sit down and relax with his wife & daughter for a while and not turn around to go right back out of the door of their home again. “You have to go,” said his wife, “It’s very important to our little girl.”
A moment later Daddy’s little girl was holding his hand, talking constantly, and smiling from ear to ear as she skipped along side of the man that she loved and missed SO much for eight long months. Daddy was finally home and everything was good. “Where are we going?” he asked. “It’s my big surprise for you Daddy, and you will see,” she replied.
A few minutes later they reached the shops in their little town and that happy little girl pulled the door of a shop open and walked right up to the owner. Still holding her Daddy’s hand she said, “This is my Daddy I told you all about. He just came home, and he will take that job you have so he can work in your store and he can be home with me. Now, Daddy will not have to go away on the ship ever again.”
In an attempt in ease the clearly shocked Daddy’s mind the store owner explained that three weeks earlier a lady in her mid-eighties everyone in the community knew and loved dearly unexpectedly passed away in her home. She lived alone and every morning she would walk two blocks from her home to the shop where she worked as a stock clerk to stay active.
As the community tearfully remembered their dear old friend at the graveside in a quiet Texas town, the little girl had a big smile on her face and announced to everyone, “Don’t be sad, my Daddy will be home soon and he will take her job at the store so he can make everyone happy like she did and he can stay home with Mommy and Me.”
While holding that sweet little five year old in his arms the Daddy tried to explain that her plan to have him work as a stock clerk so he wouldn’t have to ever go back to his ship just didn’t make sense…… but the little girl didn’t understand why her Daddy wouldn’t leave his ship to become a stock clerk.
“Lets go home Daddy,” she said then held his hand and talked non stop as they walked home together.
As all vacations do, her Daddy’s vacation seemed to end way too soon and the little girl had to say good-bye to her Daddy for at least another six months.
Year after year as Daddy’s little girl was growing up the man she loved so much would would leave home for six months or more a a time to serve on his ship. Eventually he earned the distinguished title of Chief Engineer.
By that time his daughter was in her early twenties & had fallen in love with another man. Their wedding was planned at a time of the year when the first man she loved would be on vacation so he could walk her down the aisle to meet the new man of her dreams on their very special day.
Whenever one Chief Engineer is aboard ship another one is home on vacation & in 1971 through a most unfortunate twist of fate, the Chief Engineer who was scheduled to be on duty so my shipmate would be at his daughter’s wedding, suffered a massive heart attack two days before the wedding day. Two days before Christmas, my shipmate was forced to fly half way around the world to sail the ship, or lose his job.
As he had grown accustomed to doing over the years as he rose through the ranks in the Merchant Marine, my Chief made the decision right before Christmas to put his ship first once again, & he left his family at home. It wasn’t any easier twenty years earlier for my shipmate to explain his career choice to his five year little girl than it was for him to explain why he had to leave two days before her wedding. After all, my shipmate was a highly respected Marine Officer & that’s all there was to it. Looking for work in any other field was out of the question even if taking another job allowed him to be home every night.
Thankfully God’s hand was guiding my life in 1971 when my shipmate tearfully shared his story, & God still guides me every day. If it hadn’t been for that Chief tearfully & regretfully telling me the sad story of his life on his daughter’s Christmas time wedding day forty years ago, today I would be a retired ship Captain, living on a hefty pension Merchant Marine Officers earn by spending twenty five years away from their loved ones while they serve aboard ship.
Instead, I’m a now a sixty three year old Administrative Assistant working full time in blood donor recruitment to Save Lives while earning less than one third of the income my Maritime Academy classmates are earning in retirement.
The GREAT NEWS is I have absolutely NO REGRETS about ALWAYS placing God, my dear wife Andrea & our family first over the years. We have been blessed with nearly thirty eight years of a wonderful marriage, four incredible children, & on 12/1/11 we were on hand to welcome our sixth grand baby age four & under…..the new Tommy Riles.
Thanks to my making the decision forty years ago at Christmas time half a world away, to put family first, on Christmas day 2011 we all experienced the miracle of Christmas through our six grandchildren’s eyes in our home in southern California.
Please reply by sharing how your life has been blessed by always placing family first.
New Year blessings to all for a Happy Healthy 2012!
Tom Riles, Sr.
Ladera Ranch, CA
