Happy New Year dads and dads alike. I hope your holiday was filled with joyous experiences that you will cherish forever. Mine sure was. Seeing my kids eyes light up on christmas day, skiing with my son, sledding with my daughter, and the first New Year’s Eve where my kids stayed up and celebrated with mom and dad were some of this holiday’s moments. I feel blessed. During all this fun and play, however, I lost my grandmother, and my kids great-grandmother, to a long battle with cancer. She was 87. She lived a full life, was surrounded by family at the time of her passing and will be remembered for her kindness and strength. The morning I heard this tragic news I pondered on how best to break the news to my kids, now 4 and 6. They have experienced a death in the family a few years back, but for sure were too young to really understand. At age 6, I feared my son would take it rough. He had met his great-grandmother who lived on the opposite coast enough to remember her fondly. As I revealed the somber news to my kids, they appeared rather unphased. They asked a few questions then simply inquired, ‘What’s for breakfast?”
I can vividly recall learning about death when I was a child. I can visualize the moment where my mother was sitting on a swing with my sister and I, then 4 years of age, in our backyard in New Jersey discussing this reality and I remember feeling confused and sad over it. My wife and I have had this conversation with our kids and I believe they truly understand, however I was a bit taken back with their lack of emotional outpouring after hearing the news, after all both mom AND dad are big cry babies. We got out of bed, made breakfast, which was quick and easy because my son had a 9:00 ski school reservation that I could not cancel, so it was life goes on. I spent the day reflecting on my grandmothers wonderful life and my son spent the day on his ass, while my wife and daughter spent time together as best they could on this depressed day. Around noon, I receive a call from my wife that they had gone out for a walk and upon returning to our condo, they discovered that one of our two fish had jumped out of the fish bowl onto the ground and died. My daughter was devastated. She cried and carried on for the next few hours, unlike she did earlier in the morning. She and my wife buried the poor $.99 feeder fish who was not supposed to last 3 days, instead lived for 3 months and grew too large for it’s 1.5 gallon bowl outside in the dirt. When my son had heard of the news I was sure he would be hit hard, it was after all HIS fish that commited suicide not my daughter’s and, although saddened over this passing as well, I was a bit anxious to witness a more appropriate reaction to the passing of a loved one . His response, “We’re going to have to buy a new one, I want one now that’s black and gold!”
As a parent, I welcome teaching my kids about life’s realities, both good and bad. I would rather introduce them to these lessons than anyone else because I want them to hear it from their parents. I only hope that my kids values and personalities end up similar to my wife’s and I’s, but they are their own person and will form their own shell. I will only cherish lifting them off their feet.