Becoming a young Dad: Part 1
Out in the big world there are a lot of young guys about to become dads, and don’t know what to expect or how to feel about it. Especially if it’s not a planned pregnancy, there is a lot of confusion going on. At the grand age of 23 (nearly 24) I consider myself on the outer edge of being a “young Dad”, and I am currently “deep in the trenches” so to speak, of new fatherhood. So this is for all you guys out there feeling confused and stressed about your impending infant. You will hear a hell of a lot of advice throughout the pregnancy and beyond and you will be crazy sick of it at some point or another (I know I did). However, there is one piece of advice that I will not hesitate to give:
Don’t always take advice to heart, but always keep it in mind. Truth of the matter is, every baby is different and as much as “professionals” will give you development timelines and general “dos and don’ts”, almost none of them will be accurate. Every day will either bring new surprises or none at all. All you can do is be prepared for anything, always have that diaper bag stocked and handy. Always have at least one bottle prepared at all times (or at least have the necessary elements to make a bottle ready for use). You never know what is going to happen from one minute to the next, so as I said, be prepared for anything.
If I may, let me describe a typical 24 year old these days (keep in mind this is not by any means ALL 24 year olds, just an observation of the majority):
- Just out of college (if they went at all) and with (or without) that shiny new degree they are now…..
- Employed by a great company at part time or by a crappy company at full time which ultimately means he…..
- Lives with parents/significant other/or in a hole-in-the-wall apartment. But really his living situation doesn’t matter because…..
- He spends most nights of the week either working a secondary job or going to the bar, unless of course he “saves” money with the standard addiction of this age……
- Video games, seemingly non-stop unless absolutely necessary. Usually C.O.D. or something like it. Which is pretty annoying to his “roommates” (see above, section 3) especially when he could be looking for a better job (see above, section 2) with his degree (see above, section 1).
So with that in mind, they are not really considering having children or marriage or anything of the sort at this point. But if circumstances should arise that this particular individual is thrust into parenthood, a lot of changes need to occur that can be quite damaging to the psyche. But fear not! The transition can be simple as long as one attains a very important understanding:
You are no longer the most important person in your life.
Whether it’s now, or later (the earlier the better), you will have to accept that you must now alter your life accordingly to better suit the child, especially in the first few weeks when you are getting the baby into a routine.
Paternity leave:
If it is available to you, take it. The more time you can possibly spend you’re your baby the better. The baby will probably be used to the sound of your voice by the time he/she is born, but now is the time when the baby learns to recognize your “scent”, as well as becoming more familiar with your facial features as its eyes develop. If Paternity leave is not available to you, you will have to replace all of your daily routine outside of work with time spent with baby (see section further down).
The first couple of weeks can be a bit rough. Setting up a baby with a sleeping and eating routine throughout the day can be a stressful period (every baby is different) but be patient. Once you set up that routine it is a lot easier to go back to the things you used to do. Naps in the middle of the day yield to getting some sleep for you or catch up on a couple levels (with the volume down). One of the most important things is for the baby to keep that schedule, not just for him/her, but also for you and mom. Being able to know exactly what time you have between feedings and what times/how long the baby will sleep, will help tremendously. Knowing these things gives you the advantage of being able to keep up with house work as well as personal time (just keep in mind there is a child in the room, so no naughty business!).
TOP TIP: Get a white board/dry erase board. Size doesn’t matter, but hang it up wherever you will see it every single day. Being a new parent may cause you to lose focus on things like Doctors appointments and when bills need to be paid. Write everything down on the board as soon as you think of it and you won’t miss a thing.
No paternity leave? Make a routine for yourself when you get home. Be on the “afternoon” shift, doing feedings and diapers and stuff. Like I said, in the first couple of weeks while he/she is getting set up with a schedule, it’s important to keep to it as well as spend as much time as possible with the kid so he/she gets to know your voice and your scent. Even when the baby is sleeping, let it fall asleep on you. You’ll get in some bonding time as well as relaxing time for you, kill two birds with one stone. I can say from plenty of experience lately, there’s nothing more comfy than chilling on the couch watching tv with a wee baby passed out on your chest.
Well that’s it for Part 1! In Part 2 I’ll hit on some topics like the actual feeding and changing of diapers, as well as some of the “old wives tales” that you will no doubt get plowed into your skull (there are some that are true, some that are false, and some that are a bit wishy-washy).
Till next time,
B.K. Mullen