Dad Advice: How To Handle A Lying Child

When your child begins to lie is one of the biggest and most challenging parenting hurdles. Luckily, there’s a community of 1.5 million dads who are happy to share their experience and help with handling a lying child.

Dad Advice: How To Handle A Lying Child

Zach Roberts: Tell her you’re all going to Disney in a couple months. Build it up then, on the day you’re going to leave, tell her you were lying. She’ll catch on quick.

John Byrd: It’s called a spanking. Don’t do it on the first lie, but tell her if she does it again, spanking. Then spank her. If you use it as a last resort, and never as a default correction, it is very effective and you won’t have to do it more than once or twice a year.

Randy Johnson: Children lie because of fear.
They fear the consequences of telling the truth.
They fear being unimportant.
They fear being unimpressive.
They fear being disappointing you.
Teach them to fear a lie and not fear a mistake.
Reward and praise honesty.
Being a liar is a learned behavior.

Robyn Baker: Why does she feel the need to lie? Seriously…. I’d start there.
Mine usually lie when they think they are in real trouble. A fear of failure or letting you down can be a very powerful thing to a child.

Shawn Severance: Don’t discuss it and give a consequence. Tell her she lied and implement it. My son was the same way and I had him at a therapist who said I was trying to reason with him at too young an age(5). She said to tell him lying was not right and to give him a consequence immediately. For him it was his video time. It made a big difference. It still happens but not often.

Sean Keating: Explain to her that lying is wrong and there will be punishments if it continues and she’s caught. Then set up what your punishments are… Ie. Take something away like her iPad or favorite toy, etc. Time outs. My favorite, make her write a *x* amount of words essay on why lying is bad. For adults, see if they’re willing to take a lie detector test. Etc.

Dawn Nangle Honhera: Honestly? Ask her sometime. Not in the moment when you catch her at it, but talk to her about it and LISTEN to what she says. What is she afraid will happen if she tells the truth? I always heard growing up “if you lie you’ll get in even more trouble than if you just tell the truth” and that was never the case. I never got in LESS trouble for telling the truth. So really look at how you and your wife react to things your daughter does. Do you “throw the book at her” for every infraction? If so, she probably lies in order to try to stay out of trouble. Sometimes, all a kid needs is a serious talking to and a warning of what the consequence will be if they do it again. Some kids do not need heavy handed parenting.

Does she tend to get into trouble a lot? Is she frequently getting hefty consequences for misbehavior? Do you ask her why she did something and she says, “I don’t know?” If so, please, please consider she might have ADHD or something similar. Kids with ADHD who get in trouble a lot for things they cannot control tend to lie. Especially when you did not seek out ADHD treatment early in your child’s life, they’d have a hard time dealing with it in the future. Sometimes they can convince themselves that the lie is actually the truth (I know, I’ve done it)! Most girls with ADHD go undiagnosed because it does not look like stereotypical ADHD and your daughter is at an age where the symptoms really start to show if you know what to look for.

Ryan Bogh: Both my daughters went through that same stage. Once they figured out that I know everything, and their lies didn’t work, they stopped. It’s most likely a short-term thing. She’s probably trying to see what she can get away with!

Mark Newman: It’s shocking to find out your kid is lying but to them there is not difference between lying and telling the truth. They are simply responding to you the best way they know how. There has to be a reason for them to tell the truth because it is hard work to tell what is true and false. Having positive consequences for telling the truth and negative ones for lying help kids learn the difference.

Flickr photo by Ryan and Sarah Deeds.