Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 1672. The Captain keeps getting receipts and notices for a woman named Amanda. This is the Captain’s open letter to her.
Dear Amanda,
I don’t know you, but I feel you do. You see I get a bunch of email that is intended for you, but for some reason it keeps coming to my mailbox. And though I have attempted to contact as many of the places as possible and let them know that the Captain is not “Amanda”, I still receive your email.
When the mail persisted, I attempted to cash in on an offer for a free sweatshirt from an institution of higher learning. Apparently, they did not find my email humorous. They apologized for sending me the email and ceased all communication. Interesting. (I really did want the free t-shirt.)
I am not sure what is more cruel – the fact that the email seems to be coming from multiple sources now (and I can’t stop them all), or the fact that my heart warms for a brief second thinking someone cared enough to send me some email love.
Amanda, it seems like you are a kind, educated person (judging from the Sears receipt and course inquiry information that has come to my box). But in the name of all that is good and wholesome, please learn your email address. Stop using mine. Follow me on Life of Dad, Twitter, or my blog. But please stop sending me your junk mail.
It is possible that you don’t remember your email address, or that you just don’t want the junk mail, or your ex boyfriend has a similar email address and you are trying to stick the junk mail to him. Well you are sticking it to me. Please stop.
I am concerned, however, because you have received several emails from relatives. One relative was in Britain and was in a hostage situation and needed you to send money (don’t worry I sent some) for a ransom. Another was from the lawyer of an uncle of yours? Do you have relatives in Djibouti? The lawyer claims that he was a Prince! WOW! Does that make you royalty? Well, it appears that you are the beneficiary of a very large will. He just needs your banking information so he can wire the money to you. Can you take care of this one? I didn’t mind freeing the hostage, but taking your inheritance seems so wrong. Thanks.
Well, Amanda. I don’t know you, but I eagerly await the next correspondence that you will miss. Hope all is well with you. Take care and get a new email account. Thanks!
Sincerely,
Captain Out…
Don’t forget the usual…
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