There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
I haven't played Twister in years but I just cut my infant's fingernails while he slept on my chest, so that's pretty much the same.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) May 21, 2018
12-yr-old: “How come you play the lottery but never let us play the claw machine games because you say it’s a waste of a dollar?”
Me: *Stares blankly ahead trying not to make eye contact*
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) May 24, 2018
Me: I want to tape this show.
Kids: Tape it?
Me: It’s short for videotape-
Kids: Videotape?
Me: This is why I mostly talk to myself.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 24, 2018
I’d say I’ll sleep when I’m dead, but my kid will probably still want to show me something he saw on YouTube then, too
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) May 24, 2018
I’m a soccer mom, so just know that if you’ve marketed your SUV as a sport model, and it lacks odor neutralization technology and giant water bottle sized cup holders, I’m going to be highly disappointed.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 24, 2018
My toddler wanted to hold the phone while she FaceTimed my parents so it was 15 minutes of them talking to each others’ foreheads.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 26, 2018
Summer as a kid: WOO-HOO! SCHOOL'S FINALLY OUT! FREEDOM!
Summer as a parent: Why TF isn't school year-round? This is hell.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 25, 2018
If having my kid eat Chic Fil A for breakfast in the car on the way to school drop off then throwing the left overs in his backpack for lunch isn’t a celebration for the last week of second grade I don’t know what is.
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) May 23, 2018
9: Mom, do you think I have a shot at the NBA?
Me: (glancing at his socks just outside of his laundry basket on the floor)
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, BABY.— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) May 23, 2018
8yo: I want to play soccer
Me: *signs 8yo up for soccer league
*next day
8yo: I don’t like soccer anymore, I want to play basketball
Me: Of course
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 23, 2018
My children could walk across a whole bed of legos without flinching but 2 grains of sand in their shoes renders them paralyzed.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 22, 2018
*watching a baking competition show*
7: That’s what I want to be when I grow up.
Me: What, a baker?
7: No, someone who tastes a lot of cakes and judges people.— Wendy S. (@maughammom) May 21, 2018
My son just showed me something he made and asked “Do you like it, or do you love it?” and those are the only options I’m giving people from now on
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) May 21, 2018
Your kid graduates from high school & gets to start an exciting new chapter of his life at college while you get to start drinking from the cups he’s hoarded in his room for 10 yrs.
— EricaTriesToTweet (@EricaWhoToYou) May 21, 2018
Know what’s worse than hearing a kid play Mary Had a Little Lamb over and over on a harmonica?
A kid that’s trying to learn how play it on a harmonica.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) May 25, 2018
3-year-old: I'm not afraid of cows.
Me: Um, good?
3: *serious look* Not even the mean ones.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 26, 2018
Going to the roller skating rink with your kids is so much fun. And by fun I mean having your kid hold your hand and feeling like you both will fall down every second. #lifeofdad #parenting #fatherhood
— DadatWork (@ArtEddy3) May 27, 2018
kids: can we have a popsicle?
me: *eating a popsicle* no it’s 8am— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) May 26, 2018
Sorry I ruined your life because I told you not to hit your siblings with a baseball bat.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) May 26, 2018
My son just said, “I used to be a British man who made paintings in 1872 and people didn’t like the paintings so I hid by myself in the basement until I died alone” and this is why I lock the bedroom door when I sleep
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 27, 2018
8: Password?
10: rubber baby buttcheeks.
8: Ha! You’ve CRACKED IT! Get it??? *laughs like a hyena for 13 minutes*It’s only day one of summer vacation, People.
— Classy and Cussing (@DrunkAtThePTA) May 26, 2018
The kids were supposed to make a little statue of their favorite animal for the art show. This is my daughter’s entry. pic.twitter.com/KddWaj7TE4
— Goats? (@Gooooats) May 27, 2018