My daughter’s always been precocious. It is a trait I take a lot of pride and enjoyment from, and we’ve had a lot of talks far beyond the norm for her age. Politics, history, and social understanding (people, relationships, body language, etc.) are but some of her favorite subjects.
That being said, she’s always clung to the rough-n-tumble of childhood. So it was with a certain amount of surprise when we were watching TV and after a particular commercial about make-up, I noticed she looked uncomfortable. Hands tucked between her legs, shoulders hunched, eyes looking down as she chewed her lip.
When I asked her what was wrong, the question every father fears slipped out of her in barely above a whisper. “Am I pretty?”
Media and Body Image
It’s no wonder that with all of our advertisements and entertainment centered around beautiful woman that eventually my own daughter would begin to look at herself and begin to compare.
The constant sexualization of girls on TV and in magazines overwhelms their worldview; believing themselves only worthwhile if they’re “attractive” in the way the media portrays attractiveness, regardless of what we try to teach them. This leads to self-objectification that influences future decisions and splits their attention; half on what they’re doing, and half on how they look while doing it.
We’re in Need of More Than Just a Conversation
After turning off the TV, my daughter and I had a long conversation about all forms of beauty, and how any person, man or woman, is worth more than just their looks. No one is perfect, and no matter how much we may want to try and be like the people we see on TV, we need to learn to understand ourselves and what we need to be happy.
From that point on, her mother and I have made a conscious effort to change some things around the house. It’s not enough to just talk about body image. You have to live it.
- Be Healthy
Encouraging health and making that a priority helps remind her that being skinny isn’t what’s important, especially not at the cost of her health. Feeling good, staying clean, fueling our bodies with the right things, getting enough sleep, increased education and staying active are encouraged before stylish appearances, makeup, and beauty tips.
- Prove it
Kids learn from watching the parents. If I tell her to love herself and then walk around complaining about what I don’t like about myself, she’ll learn from my example and not from my words.
- Be Supportive
On the other side of that same coin, everyone has things about their body they don’t like. If my daughter wants to work to improve a part of her that she’s unhappy with, such as clearer skin come puberty, or gaining some muscle tone, it’s important to encourage her to do what she needs in order to be comfortable with herself. Because in the end, that’s what matters the most.
Instead of focusing on how my daughter looks, I try to focus on what she’s good at. “Hey pretty girl” isn’t a go-to greating I use. Instead I encourage and compliment her skills and talents like saying “Hey smarty pants” or “You at you, strong/brave girl. You can do it!” Try it out and see how your daughters confidence changes and begins to revolve around her skill set rather than her appearance.