As fathers, it’s our responsibility to raise sons not just to emulate us, but to be better than we are. We want to protect them from the mistakes we made, and teach them lessons that were never taught to us when we were young in the hopes of giving them a stronger start in life. For many of us, that means confidence. The tale of the shy, insecure teen boy is a common one. While it’s nothing to be ashamed of, any of us who grew up shy knows how much it can hold someone back from opportunities.
Confidence, however, isn’t enough. It’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance and one that we as fathers have to manage delicately. Let’s look at some ways we can teach our boys to be confident in themselves without crossing that line.
1. Listen.
The first and possibly the most important step. By taking the time to listen to your son, you show him that what he has to say matters. Some may feel that their son isn’t really concerned with what their dad thinks or that you have to be nice because you’re “just my dad,” but the opposite is also true. If their own father won’t listen to them, why would anyone else?
2. Encouragement.
This goes right along with listening. Take an active role in their lives. Go to their recitals, watch their games, let them talk your ear off about a story they want to write or a project in school they’re excited about.
3. Failure is an opportunity.
Confidence is not just about succeeding all of the time. It’s about having faith in on your own abilities. This includes the ability to adapt and overcome. Teach your son that no one gets everything right the first time, and that it’s okay to make mistakes. When he does, teach him how to see what he did wrong, devise a plan to do better, and try again. When he becomes familiar in what it means to work toward a goal and succeed after failed attempts, he’ll feel more confident in trying things.
4. It’s about him.
Here is where we get into the difference between confidence and arrogance. It’s all in where the focus lies. Confidence is a faith in one’s self based in familiarity with your abilities. You don’t need to boast or convince other people of your greatness. You know you can do it, and that’s good enough.
5. Equal, but not the same.
Arrogance, however, needs to be compared. Arrogance is constant comparing of your abilities to someone else’s. For you to be good, they have to be bad, which means less than you. Teach your son that everyone is good at something. The importance of community is based on exactly that fact. Compare it to something he’s familiar with, such as the different positions in a sports like football. A lineman doesn’t have the speed of a receiver or the aim and reflexes of the quarterback, but they all add value to the team.
With a little time and attention, your boy can grow into a strong, confident man worthy of respect.
Tyler Jacobson is a father, husband, and freelancer, with experience in writing and outreach for parent and organizations that help troubled teen boys. Tyler has offered humor and research backed advice to readers on parenting tactics, problems in education, issues with social media, mental disorders, addiction, and troublesome issues raising teen boys. Connect with Tyler on: Twitter | Linkedin