New Dad Advice: Can A New Dad Have Time With His Buddies Once The Baby Arrives?

While most people would agree that it is important to keep your friendships and passions alive after becoming a dad, to remain a whole, happy and fulfilled person because your child will benefit from having such a person as a dad, it’s a debate as to how much is too much. A monthly meetup with old friends? Is that a bridge too far? Here’s what dads think about hanging out with buddies once the baby arrives.

Will Davies: One night a week is a bit much, especially right out of the gate. Let things settle and then start up again. Ask the guys if you can start a little later so you can help get the kid to bed.

Honestly, and I know this is probably just me, but after working all day and knowing that I only have a few hours in the evening with my daughter, I’d rather be home anyway.

Make sure you’re getting her out of the house too.

Kuba Kostecki: Married 16 years, dad of 4 (12, 10, 8, 1). This is most likely not at all about you going out with your buddies but about your wife feeling insecure – possibly justified, possibly not – about your commitment to her and the baby and the family. If she feels you are there a hundred percent (as a dad and a husband) she will most likely be fine with you going out, but if she feels – again, justified or not, that you’ve checked out she’ll tighten the screw (natural reaction). Bear in mind that she’s also scared out of her mind – as most parents are before # 1 arrives – so she’s just covering her bases and making sure she’s in control to provide safety and security for the little one. Address her underlying fears and you’ll be at dinner with your buddies in no time.

Steve Butt: LOL we’ve had date night twice in the past 13 months (since our baby was born) and you’re expecting to hang with the guys out to dinner once a month!? Good luck buddy.

Scott Allen: The first few months is a bonding time with you, your wife and newborn. You should put your wife first. What little free time you get should be a date night with her not your friends.

Cody Camarillo: What no one is telling you is that your friends are likely to become very scarce after you have the baby. Trust me. They just disappear. IF they stick around, just give it time. Figure baby out first and then decide on the personal time. But trust me, you’ll be surprised how many people suddenly write you off because you had kids. Unless they have kids too.

Courtney Marie Dawson: Don’t let her go out for some “me” time then. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. That is so unreasonable it’s almost unfathomable.

Joe Saunders: I did the whole “no social time outside of family” thing for a few years when we started having kids, and it backfired in that I became a much less tolerant, more irritable person. Having some “me time” (which for me was going back to jiujitsu and judo training, not going out drinking, but it was the social aspect more than the training aspect I think) fixed things and my wife was 100% on board with whatever helped me be a better, happy, husband and father.

I felt a lot of “dad guilt” about having time away from the family, but once I realised the impact it had on my mood, it became an investment in being a more attentive and loving father when I was home. Your wife might not understand that at first and may expect that you’ll use every spare moment to assist her, and you will initially, but you need to make sure that you both make time to hold onto the things that define you as individuals – not just as husband/wife or as mum/dad.

Christopher Davies: The first six months or so don’t expect a regular meet up with friends – your focus is your family. Once your baby is thriving and in a routine and you wife is comfortable with coping without you, maybe look to go out once or twice a month. All depends on your little one and their needs, you need to be flexible.

Lliam Parslow: She’ll find that going out once a month with her friends will give her a little bit of a break too.

We all need a release as parents. Even if it’s someones offer to have your children for 2hrs of sleep or up to a weekend away just the two of you.

If friends or family offer even a bit, take it. A few hours away for both of you will reset your parental thought process, and you’re good to go again.

Flickr photo by Jerick Parrone.