Well, it has finally happened. I have fully slipped into the role of Mr. Mom.
Due to circumstances that are out of our control (don’t worry, we won’t bore you with that long story), Tricia has taken a full-time job. And yes, it sucks.
I’m supposed to be the one punching the clock and providing for the family, allowing my wife to be the stay-at-home-mom she so loves being. Yet, that isn’t the case . . . at least in our current situation.
Mixed Signals
There is an innate drive in us knuckle-dragging males, a drive to go out and make something, to prosper, and to provide for one’s family. Turing that off isn’t easy, in fact, it very well may be impossible.
So now I’m at a nexus, trying to divine the proper way to redirect my natural tendencies in a way that will still be beneficial for my family. I’m looking for a way to find meaning and purpose by contributing in a fashion that feels foreign (though it isn’t really).
We have a very close family, so for me to do more isn’t a great leap. I just feel out of my depth in a few areas, and this discomfort is something I’m sure I’ll adapt to in the coming weeks.
Change of Pace
But now things have gotten real. Tricia will be working 40 hours a week, and I will be assuming some more duties:
- Cleaning . . . check
- Dinner . . . check
- Take Nevaeh to dance . . . check
- Homeschool . . . ummmmmmmmmm?
Assumed Roles of Mr. Mom
The big issue is helping Nevaeh to navigate the transition in a way that will grow and encourage her. This is a huge change for her, as she’s only known Mommy to be at home with her. I can’t sit here and sulk, getting all dark and broody, while forgetting about her needs.
So I have a plan.
As difficult as this transition is for all of us, I’m going to do my part to make this an experience that will propel us all forward.
That’s it really, that’s all I’ve got. Plan = help us all move forward. Not too promising.
Ok, I’ve got a bit more than that. To make things as easy as possible, I’ll be doing my best to make each activity something that Nevaeh can be involved in. Not for the purpose of free labor, but to help her grow in responsibility, while also sharing in the activities together.
If nothing else, I’m hoping to help her experience the value of quality time . . . especially with the reduced time she’ll now have with her mother.
Cleaning
We have always shared the majority of house chores. Tricia keeps the rooms swept and vacuumed, and generally tidy. Nevaeh helps out with her room, and does the occasional pickup when prompted. I do the majority of the dishes and laundry.
For some reason I have always been the one to take care of the laundry and dishes. Which is weird as I loathe both activities, it just happened that I married the one person on this planet who has a greater dislike of these things than I do . . . as if there is a special level of hatred beyond loathe.
Now, a few more duties have been added to my plate. I’ll be using the vacuum at more regular intervals, misting the counters with disinfectant, and scrubbing the random smudges the miraculously appear on the walls . . . let’s call them phantom smudges.
All hope is not lost! Enter Nevaeh.
We won’t nickname her Cinderella just yet, but she will pull her weight in helping Mr. Mom keep his sanity. Of course, she already has her morning chores; which includes making her bed, picking up her room, and putting up any clothes that were recently washed. She will most likely just be tapped for a few extra duties, to help keep Daddy sane, and reduce some of Mommy’s stress.
Dinner
I don’t know if I can say that I love to cook, but I do enjoy. I generally cook 4-5 of our meals a week, and find the process relaxing . . . plus, I enjoy food in general. This won’t really be a drastic change, except maybe for the fact that now I know I’ll have to cook all the meals. I guess that’s the rub, doing it before without the mental pressure of knowing that role now falls squarely on my shoulders.
So now I’m officially the house chef.
Of course, I’ll be recruiting the help of our daughter, making this activity enjoyable for both of us. Since she enjoys helping out, I’m going to be focusing on getting her more kitchen exposure. I think the key here will be to find interests we both have, while making meal planning an activity that will grow her as an individual.
Life is good . . . nachos and bacon every night, and chili for breakfast!
Dance
Nevaeh goes to dance two nights a week. Normally, this is a time where my wife takes her, then does all that girly-talk stuff with some of the other mothers. Not anymore!
Now it’s my job. Not the girly-talk mind you, but I am now responsible for getting her to dance.
Dance requires a special outfit, particular shoes/slippers, and a certain hair style. While Nevaeh is well advanced in her ability to get dressed and pack her dance bag, getting the hair right is a bit out of her skillset; in turn, it is waaaay out of my skillset. Good thing Tricia works right across the street (she’ll be taking care of the up-do).
So Nevaeh will still get to dance, hone her skills as a ballerina, and continue down a path of grace and elegance. Mr. Mom will probably just waltz around the parking lot aimlessly to avoid the dance moms.
Homeschool
Yeah, that’s right folks, I’m going to have to assume the role of teacher in my daughter’s life. As if being an attentive father doesn’t have enough challenges.
Oh yeah, I’ll also be doing this in the middle of second-grade, while still trying to wrap my head around the teaching style my wife has used for the past three years.
Now please, I’m not looking for your sympathy. I believe that this period in our lives will be a great opportunity for us to grow as a family.
As it turned out, this homeschool section got a bit wordy. So click here and you can read more on that.
To Be Continued . . .
I feel it would be a disservice if this post was a stand-alone piece. Sure, I’ve presented a few options, but all these changes and ideas just occurred this week.
I mean really . . . what is a plan until you see how it is implemented?
Instead, I’ll keep you up-to-date. Probably not on a weekly basis, but as time progresses I’ll check in and give you a progress report and update.
If any of you dads out there have shared this same fate, I’d love you to hear some advice. Feel free to leave it in the comments section.
Until then, I had better get back to my ever growing “honey do” list.