Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 2206. I have a responsibility as a father (some mothers have this responsibility as well – it is not unique to fathers). My wife is not a fan of sports. Therefore, the sports rearing of the children falls in my lap.
The problem? I’m from Cleveland, and I am a Browns fan.
Yes. The Cleveland Browns.
I can’t explain to you my childhood – how I grew up loving and hating the article “THE”. Loved it for “THE” Ohio State University. Hated it because that article was usually followed by a bad Cleveland sports memory: THE Drive. THE Fumble. THE Shot. THE Decision. I hate those three letters. There are, however, three letters that I crave/miss/have heard about: W-I-N.
Since The Captain’s arrival on this planet (which occurred with about as much fanfare as the son of Jor-El, and the same amount of clothing, but minus the spaceship and superstrength), the Cleveland Browns have managed to win 273 times. Sounds like a lot doesn’t it? Here is some perspective – since the Colts bolted Baltimore for Indianapolis in 1984, the Colts have won 249 games. Since 1976, the Browns have won 4 of 13 playoff games. The Colts have won more games in a postseason than my Browns have won IN MY LIFETIME.
Depressing. Maddening. So why would I wish anyone to root for my team?
My children were both born in Indianapolis. It would be easy to have them root for the Colts. But I can’t do it.
Because they (The Browns) are MY team. I can’t find myself cheering for any other team. Therefore, I can’t find myself promoting any other team to my kids. Sure, I am setting them up for a lifetime of heartache, depression, harassment, and embarrassment, but my kids will learn loyalty. They will learn the game. They will be super fans.
My daughter already asks me, “Who do we want to win, Daddy?” when there is a sporting even on television. I make it easy for her – “Go Browns, honey!”
“Go Browns, daddy!”
Truth is, I predetermined their choice at birth. The Eldest enjoyed a 10 win season with me in her inaugural year. We have not been as good since.
According to the fan code, they can change their minds later and adopt the Colts and deny the Browns existence. I hope they don’t because if they do that and the Browns win the Super Bowl, then they will not be invited to my Super Bowl party…and it will be epic. You will see me on the news.
I call it a Dilemma, but really it isn’t. I am a Browns fan. Therefore, my kids are doomed, cursed, sentenced fortunate to be the same.
So, here is to football. Hopefully, my kids see more playoff appearances than number one overall draft picks. And hopefully, there are no modern day Elways and Byners that reduce their Sunday afternoon to tears and jeers.
Most importantly, I hope they realize that it is only a game – but it is a fun way to spend some time with their old man.
So, “Go Browns” and remember that you heard it here first – this next year is our year. Who is YOUR team? And do your kids root for the same team? I’d love to know. Leave The Captain a message on his Facebook page, and be sure to “Like” him too.
For now…Captain Out.