Teenage life is a difficult time for both teens and parents alike. The teen is struggling to learn who they are as a person, testing their own limitations and those of the world they live in. For parents, their child has become a hormonal time-bomb constantly flipping the switch between affection and melt-down at alarmingly fast rates.
When boundaries haven’t been properly established early on in the child’s life, this creates strife, power struggles, and confrontation between the parents and the teen.
The Need for Limits
Setting boundaries and limits gives the teen a safe environment in which to act out on. That may sound counter-intuitive at first, but it’s actually somewhat simple. There is nothing more destabilizing than the unknown. When parents set limits, consequences for breaking those rules, and keeps consistent, the child grows to learn what they can and can’t do. Their environment becomes stable and predictable, all which helps the child feel safe.
In this same environment, a teen that has a need to push the limits on what they can get away with can now test those limits knowing full well what the consequences will be. Maybe they’ll change their parents’ mind and they’ll be allowed to stay up a bit longer? If not, they’re already aware of what the punishment is for breaking the rule.
Parents Without Consistency Have Chaos
Let’s say, instead the parents were wishy-washy with the rules. They enforced as they saw fit, let slide others, and overreacted based on their emotional state rather than the actual defiant act that was committed. In this environment, there’s no telling what could happen.
The teen rebels, but where before they could test a little and know what they were getting into, their unstable environment can lead to heated conflicts between parents as punishments are seen as unfair, as well as a lack of respect for the authority that’s supposed to stay there. This can lead to violent outbursts, reckless behavior, and a complete breakdown of the parent/child relationship that can take years to recover.
Never Too Late to Start
No matter how old your child, it’s never too late to start establishing a list of rules and maintaining it. The keys to earning your child’s respect and compliance are your respect, understanding, and consistency.
- Communicate – Make sure they know what you’re doing and why they’re doing it. Get their input.
- Establish a list of rules – Don’t go overboard. Mark down a few of the most critical and stick with that. Tightening a noose around their neck won’t make them feel safe.
- Clearly define consequences – And stick with them. Don’t let your emotions influence the punishment.
- Be consistent – If you’re able to do keep up on these points, you’ll help create an environment where you both will know what to expect, which can pave the way toward better behavior.
Tyler enjoys going to the mountains near his home in Draper, Utah to connect with his wife and children through camping, hiking, and quality time together. When he isn’t rebooting in the outdoors, he shares his fatherly experiences with the world through writing and creative designs. Tyler shares the ups and downs of family life and the solutions he’s found through lengthy research and involvement in the industry and his own experiences to help parents everywhere. Follow Tyler on: Twitter | Linkedin