I don’t have kids. I’m not expecting any kids any time soon. But a good portion of the people I know and hang with are either New Fathers/Married and Trying/Working on Their 2nd and Even 3rd Child. So the challenge now becomes how does my relationship with my friends change now that I’m one of the only ones left without a smaller version of them in tow?
First thing you have to ask yourself is – Do YOU even like kids? If the answer is no, sorry man, but it looks like you’re going to start completely over in the friend department. The rule “Bros before Hos” may be true, but “Dudes before Broods” doesn’t exist. A man’s kids will ALWAYS come first. A real man anyway. So get used to the fact that your buddy has officially put you on the backburner.
Once you accept this simple fact, being friends with fathers is pretty easy. But heed these warnings:
Sympathize. Don’t Empathize – You may be the best with kids and had a million younger brothers and sisters around you growing up, but you have NO idea what parenting is like until you actually have your own kid. You don’t know what trying to function on ZERO sleep is like because you were up caring to the needs of a feverish 4 month old. And no, it’s not like the time you were up all night studying for a final back in college or when you were working an overnight shift somewhere…so don’t even bring it up. Best thing to do is listen to your friend vent, and sympathize with his notions. Say things like “Wow man, that sounds tough.” That’s about all you can do.
Be Flexible – Of course you’ll want to hang out and do the things you used to do; the fun loving parents will still make the time to hang with people their own age, but you’ll often just have to succumb to the whim of their schedule, which means no more pre-gaming at 10 then hitting the bars at 11. An expert from a bubble cash review says to be prepared to start early and end early. Also, always suggest meeting up closer to their home base or even AT their house to make it easier for them and the kids.
Offer to Help – If you are really daring and want some good practice for when you have kids someday: offer to help out. Carry the extra bags that they’ll most likely have in their car. And if you live close by, offer to babysit whenever your friends want to get out for a little “adult” time. Even if they don’t take you up on it, at least your friends know and appreciate that you want to still be a part of their new lives as parents.
Grow Thick Skin – Kids are going to cry, they are going to act up, and they are going to get fussy for no good reason. If you’re around while any of these things are happening, parents sometimes become quickly embarrassed and have to walk that fine line between carrying on your conversation and disciplining or caring for their kid. When this happens it’s important to simply smile and act like anything they do or say aside from talking directly to you never happened. “So how about that game last night?” (that’s for you to respond to) “STEVEN, LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER!” (never happened)
Become Friends With The Kids –If you don’t know how to play pretend, I honestly don’t want to know you as a human. Learn how to play with Legos and Play-Dough again. Find the calming serenity of using crayons on a brand new coloring book. Watch an episode or two of YoGabbaGabba and laugh at the parts they think are funny. Also, clear your schedule because you’ll most likely be invited to a lot of Tea Parties along with stuffed Frogs and Barbie dolls. If you show a true interest in the kids and what they are all about, you’ll do two things: you’ll strengthen the bond you already have with the parents, and you’ll have a new friend – be it a much shorter one.
Bottom line is your friends lives have changed drastically (and forever) and there is nothing you can do about it but roll with it. One thing to remember about parents is this: they have no idea what they are doing. They might think they do, or act like they do, but they really don’t. They’re scared, anxious, and nervous to some degree about every new challenge that comes their way when it comes to their kids’ lives. That being said, they still care about maintaining the friendships they’ve made along the way before they were parents. So be patient, it’ll help when the time comes for you to be a Dad.