The second day my son came home from his new middle school he was eagerly telling me about the people there. Some were from his elementary, but there were a number of new students, and each one offered exciting new possibilities. He told me about the guy in his class who made everyone laugh with his impressions, the pretty girl who had smiled at him in homeroom, and the boy who could solve complex math problems in his head. But one in particular caught my attention: the weird kid.
Slinking down in their seat for the entirety of the class, they had already become a target thanks to associations made in their elementary school before. Every description was sad and awkward, and I had to stop my son in the middle to give some much needed advice: he should befriend this kid.
The middle school to high school years are some of the most important and character forming that we go through. It is also when bullying cranks up to a fever pitch, and things become all too real and serious. It is so easy to merely refuse to speak up, to allow the actions of others to continue lest you become the target of mockery and cruelty so prevalent in schools today.
It was that reason that I encouraged I told my son he needed to be kind and brave. I wanted him to stand up for this particular kid, and every other kid who was being bullied by their peers. “Making friends costs you nothing, but gains you everything,” I told him. Which sparked a deep and rather difficult discussion about the topic. Standing up for people might lead to peers teasing him, but that is a lesson that he needs to learn. Protecting himself at the expense of someone else just isn’t worth it.
Bullying has a life-long impact
I am not just talking about the kids who are bullied here. Witnessing and allowing this kind of behavior allows it to continue unchecked well into adulthood. Have you ever been in a public situation where someone was being harassed, and you stood by and did nothing? Through these early situations, we are conditioned to remain silent lest we become the target of danger in the eyes of adult bullies.
Those aggressors are never going to fade into the background. Instead they grow up into cruel adults who learned from a young age that others will be too scared to stand up against their actions. They become the guy on the bus calling a Muslim man a terrorist. Or the woman yanking her child’s arm as they walk through the store. And we, the quiet and meek witnesses, look away and say it is none of our concern.
I don’t want my son to be trained into silence. When he walks back into that school and sees the “weird kid” being mistreated because they are different, I want him to stick up for them. When he sees a bully picking on a smaller student, I want him to risk getting punched rather than walk away. By learning the lesson now, I hope it makes him a better man in the future than I have been.
Tyler Jacobson is a father, husband, and freelancer, with experience in writing and outreach for organizations that help troubled teen boys and parents. Tyler has offered personal, humorous and research backed advice to readers on parenting tactics, problems in education, issues with social media, various disorders, addiction, and troublesome issues raising teenage boys. Connect with Tyler on: Twitter | Linkedin